just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love having hate sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
