yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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