Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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