That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
