We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
