what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
