My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
