I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
