the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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