Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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