I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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