i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
