We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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