I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
