My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
