I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
