There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
