I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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