Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
