Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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