I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
