did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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