all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think my moral compass just broke
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