Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
