i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
