it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the liver wants what the liver wants
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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