i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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