he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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