please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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