Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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