youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Drunk is not a location!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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