Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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