I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
