i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
