I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
