why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
