Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
