I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
