You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
