4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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