Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
