Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
