I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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