I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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