i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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