How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
