I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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