Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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