watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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