When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
