I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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